Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
