is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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