No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
