Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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