The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
