Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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