i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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