I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
