I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
