and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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