Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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