I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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