I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
