I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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