OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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