I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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