It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
it's like heaven, but drunker
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
