I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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