i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
This baby is an asshole
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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