I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
