I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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