I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
