i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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