i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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