so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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