I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
