Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Girls should come with a carfax report
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
