my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
