Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
