the condom got lost in my hair
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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