i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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