we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize