I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
