Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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