Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If I die, sorry about rent.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
