Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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