I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
