Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize