I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Semen is not good for contacts.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize