Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
