i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Randomize
