it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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