Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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