people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
