Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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