Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
