when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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