It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
