I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
