Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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