i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
