saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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