My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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