he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
