3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
