I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
