I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
