I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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