I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
