My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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