Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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