Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
