I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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