no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
