Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize