don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
