Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
