well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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