At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
