Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize