It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
