i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
you made out with another girl for some wings
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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