god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I need water and some morals
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
