I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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