So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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