need another drink. this is the easiest way
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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