is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
