somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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