i love accidental penises.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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