Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
