What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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