why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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