I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
