We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You can't just leave with hair like that
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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