yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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