Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
