please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
that may or may not have been my penis.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
