I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
