i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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