Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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