i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
that is very illegal...i love you.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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