Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
