I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
