It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
