Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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