The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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