we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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