I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
