just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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