The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
