Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
