ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
