Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
