O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
