sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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