recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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