Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
