I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize