Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
